This is what I do instead of making myself useful for my guild.

I sit on top of some thing with my buddy and we yell “Polly want a cracker?” and “Pieces of eight!” for twenty minutes at a time.

Because we’re adults and we can do whatever we want.

—–

Furthermore, I’d kill every one of you for this dress and I have no idea why.

http://www.modcloth.com/store/Modcloth/Womens/Dresses/Dotty+Dress

—–

Working on the birthday thing.  Sending emails now.

Graduation is awesome.

Horray for downtime and a phone with internet access.

I got three hours of sleep and when I woke up, I thought the text on the side of my pack of gum said “What are you doing with your life?”

If that’s not the mark of a truly outstanding day, I have no idea what is.

Today is my last official day of school lunacy.

Now, to lunch.

So I’ve been fucking around with French feminist poetry all semester and I came across this little gem by Therese Plantier. It’s an amazing read in the French, but this translation (Mary Ann Caws, in case you were wondering) isn’t bad. For the wacky literary folks in the audience, trying reading it out loud with an attitude problem.

Men Po Men With Glasses

men po men with glasses
men politi
mephipolitimemphi
limemphi
tics
you are stuffed full with farce
with the mother-land in your many holes
as for us they want the army to decide
brothel of a damned whore god
whether to send up to college yes or no
after two years of requisite scorn for our
parents spent doing nothing
we were so tendentious at birth
all these arms these noses these balls get you
a priori a woman in two shakes and a vagina-deal
we’ll practice for hours on end
the craft of doing nothing
and by this professional criterion
we’ll be classified in the mass
of Warrior Committees
we will be efficacious
as the planned-out eliminated
our used peepee will be rectified
they’ll barely know our address for the climate
we will be shortened (we women) by a notarized act
and a humiliating shearer
we will keep watch at the foot of the return
in Alsacelorraine just don’t forget it!
men po po men titi
my Sihanouk my princes
and indepopo indepenpen dents.
Cashmeris sihks kikis
and this moment in their country
no mographic shrinking
they are so nice the prin received by the po Etios
my Dear:
major problem solved.

Miss ParTay: i’m going to shave my legs and wear a dress
Miss ParTay: i’ll be the belle of the damn… reading?
Miss ParTay: lol
Jolie Anne: oh my god, are you really going to wear a dress?
Miss ParTay: i am
Miss ParTay: i have two
Miss ParTay: i haven’t decided yet
Miss ParTay: i’ll bring both
Miss ParTay: we can pick my outfit!
Jolie Anne: oh, maybe I’ll wear a dress!
Miss ParTay: our ovaries will ring like bells
Miss ParTay: you know, or something
Jolie Anne: You know I’d end up with my period at the damn graduation.
Jolie Anne: and I was like “what a nice white…dress…so jeans!”
Miss ParTay: oh no!
Miss ParTay: stupid uterus
Jolie Anne: I’m trying not to end up in the pages of seventeen the week before I turn 28
Jolie Anne: “And there I was, getting my master’s degree with a sweater around my waist!  I was SOOOOOO embarassed!”

Sorry about that month of silence. I was busy making a 70 on WoW. Please take away all my cool points.

****

Robin: Nils Olav, colonel-in-cheif of the Norwegian King’s Guard.
OH AND HE IS A PENGUIN

Me: …
He’s done well for himself.

Robin: Yes! Up from Lance Corporal.
(Seriously)

Me: They obviously know what they are doing in Norway.

****

I graduate on Sunday.  Both my mother and my father are coming.  They would like to have dinner.   Isn’t that precious?  They are only allowed to have soup and aren’t to be near the knives.

Now this is a production and I’d rather sleep through the whole thing.

But hey!  I have a degree.

Miss ParTay: who broke my jolie?
Miss ParTay: i demand a refund!
Jolie Anne: He’s hot
Jolie Anne: really. fucking. hot.
Miss ParTay: that’s nice, is he useful in any other way?
Jolie Anne: He’s hot.
Jolie Anne: really. fucking. hot.
Miss ParTay: that and four dollars will get him a latte

Jolie Anne: I’m so spoiled.  I didn’t know they still made them that sexist.
Miss ParTay: lol
Miss ParTay: bad feminist!  back to your bubble!

This morning I turned in my thesis to the dean for approval.

I’m going to spend about three hours sobbing in relief.

Then I’m going to stick my head in a bottle.

I suppose I should start making graduation plans. Or have a party. Something.

She Wants Revenge - Tear You Apart

And now he wants to grab her by the hair and tell her

I want to hold you close
Soft breath, beating heart
As I whisper in your ear
I wanna fucking tear you apart

Whatever,  I’m two weeks late.  I am making up for it with sheer awesomeness.

I used to hate this song.

Jolie Anne: Awesome, I’m going to level my blood elf…
Miss ParTay: hahaha dork
Jolie Anne: Shut up.
Miss ParTay: *adjusts glasses*
Jolie Anne: She’s a redhead with an attitude problem and lot of boyfriends.
Miss ParTay: i know!
Miss ParTay: and she plays WoW!
Jolie Anne: Bitch.
Miss ParTay: i’m sorry, you must not know ’bout me.

Britney’s new lawyer, Stacy Phillips, argued that K-Fed’s lawyer Mark Vincent Kaplan’s fees are excessive, saying that four months of fees for both sides added up to a whopping $900,000. Additionally, she argued that Kevin has the ability to pay for his own lawyer (the current agreement stipulates that the pop star pays for all of her ex-husband’s legal fees), saying, “Ms. Spears is not an open checkbook.”

After Phillips said that Kaplan’s fees should be in the “$150,000-$175,000 range,” she attacked Kevin, saying he has not separated his personal and business expenses, and revealed that his ex-girlfriend Shar Jackson has use of his business credit card and is using it for personal purposes. She went on to say that K-Fed recently spent $20,000 on jewelry, went out to dinner and left a $2,000 tip on a $365 bill.

NOW you got yourself a lawyer, girlfriend.

I’m Stacy Phillips’s biggest fan.